1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
