if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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