i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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