omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Randomize
