There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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