Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
