i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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