Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
