i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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