he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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