just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
