He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
