I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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