My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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