Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
