my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
