btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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