This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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