FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sober January is a disaster.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
