I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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