Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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