The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
