Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
