I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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