Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
