I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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