fuck your aforementioned shoe
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
