I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
