I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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