why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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