I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
