i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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