if only i could text you this smell
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
