id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
