They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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