do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
