I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
