From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
as a side note pls kill me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
