Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
