FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
