So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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