i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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