Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
