The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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