I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
3 2 1 whiskey
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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