Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
