dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
