The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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