its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
