Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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