I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
